Q&A with Cody and Jennifer

1) Tell us a bit about yourselves.

Cody and I have been married for 12 years. We met at Texas A&M University, married, and then Cody was commissioned into the Army. We have 3 boys that I educate at home. We spend our time involved at our church, running to sports practices and spending as much family time together as we can. We love to hike and explore the different places the military moves us. Mostly importantly, we are believers in Christ.

2) What led you to the decision to adopt?

We always thought that the idea of adoption as a noble one, but we never thought it was something we would do. We have three healthy boys. We were completely done with children. Then as we both started to grow in our walk with the Lord, so did our thoughts about raising children and our responsibility as Christians. We talked often about how blessed we are and how easily we could help others.
We talked about fostering, but decided it would be best to wait until our children where out of the house. Then we went on a mission trip to Africa where we volunteered at an orphanage. Our hearts broke for those children and for the first time we really started talking about adoption. Again, we thought maybe later in life. We even talked quite a bit about long term mission work in orphanages after retirement. We knew God was moving us, but we where trying to figure out how to do it our way.
Then in January 2015 while preparing for a Sanctity of Life Day Sunday school lesson, we watched one of our favorite preachers and he talked about adoption. My husband looked at me and said he thought we should do it. We decided to pray about it and not talk about it until we'd spent at least a week in prayer. A few days later I'd asked him if he'd been praying about it and he said he didn't need to anymore, that the bible already told us to take care of the fatherless. We'd been asking the Lord to grow us, and to use us, all of this fit together. Of course, that week we also had a bible study in Romans about being adopted into God's family. We knew the Lord was calling us to adopt.

3) Why international adoption?

We settled on international adoption for a couple of reasons. Number one, we are military. While international adoption isn't impossible, it is complicated because it is handled at the state level. We are not residents of the state we live in and we are not going to be here for as long as the process will take. Secondly, children in the American system still have opportunities for a successful life. As bad as things are here, Americans are still very blessed. The children in some of these other countries are aged out of the system at 14 in most cases. They are thrown out to fend for themselves with little education and no job skills. A lot of these children end up being victims of human trafficking.

4) How do your children feel about it?

Our boys are thrilled, the have wanted another brother long before we did. They pray for Abel all the time. Our youngest is ecstatic about being a big brother and having his own battle buddy.

5) How long does the adoption process take?

Right now it feels like forever! It really varies. Every country is different and it also depends if you are waiting for a referral or if you commit to a child already on the waiting child list. We submitted our application with our agency in February. Our homestudy was completed in July. In August, we received our approval from US immigration & Customs and we where officially matched with Abel from the agency that has custody of him. Our dossier has been submitted and we are currently waiting for our travel dates.

6)   How much does it cost to adopt internationally?

International Adoption is very expensive. it ranges from $20,000-60,000. The average international adoption is $35,000. This fee includes: your homes study; agency fees; out of pocket expenses like finger printing physicals, mailings, ect; travel expenses; country fees; and post adoption services.

7) How does a family choose a country to adopt from?

For us, after a lot of prayer it was what just made sense for us logically. Once we settled on international adoption we spent a few weeks researching and praying about which agency to work with. After we decided on an agency we looked at which countries they worked with. Our agency works with several countries and they had a quick fact sheet that listed the country, fees, travel time, requirements and etc. All of the fees were about the  same but Bulgaria appealed to us mainly because of the length of time you have to spend in country.

8) Are all international adoptions closed or is there contact it birth parents? If they are open, what kinds of things do adoptive parents send to birth parents?

I think it varies country to country and case by case. In Abel's case it's a closed adoption. We have virtually no information about his birth family and they have no information about us.

9) If a child is matched to our family and has relatives, am I able to communicate with them via letter, Skype, email etc?

YES commincation is allowed. We have no  information on his family.

10) How much time/money will you plan on spending in country once you arrive?

We have to take 2 trips to Bulgaria, each lasting about 5 -7 days. According to our agency the 2 trips for both Cody and I will cost about 5000 in airfare alone. On the way home with Abel is an additional $800 for airfare. Accommodations are an estimated  130.98/day for a total of $1,580.  Our food cost is  estimated at $70/day for a total of 850. The total travel cost alone is about $8,230.

11) Are there any apartments/flats set aside for families reuniting with their children?

Our agency has a list of recommended hotels and apartments. I am also a member of a Bulgaria adoption group and have been keeping track of all the recommendations of families that have recently travel.  

12) What resources did you use to prepare your heart to adopt a child?

We pray a lot about this adoption, the process and Abel. We have also read and watched a ton of training videos, as well as, listening to others testimonies.

I don't know if your heart is ever prepared. There are times when I sit back and think why are we doing this? It's a pain. You have to fill out the same forms over and over again. It costs so much money and we already have three healthy boys. At that point, I am reminded what was done for me, so I could be adopted into God's family. There is not a doubt in our minds that God led us to adopt. The call to obedience isn't always going to be easy, but we know we don't have to be prepared because the one who called us is!

13) How is a family matched to a specific child?

There are two routes in adopting and both have different processes. There is the referral process or the waiting child route. We chose to find a child that was already waiting to be adopted. Our file was sent to Bulgaria which included our homestudy (that is basically a report about everything having to do with our family) and our paperwork indicating we were interested in pursing adopted Abel. The Bulgarian agency looked at our file and approved us as a good fit for Abel.

14) How long does it typically take to be places with a child and then for them to come home?

For Bulgaria, adoption can take 1-5 years. Every country is different and it also depends on the type of adoption you chose, referral or waiting child.

15) How many times can you visit Abel while you wait?

We will visit with Abel as many times as we are allowed to on our first trip. On our pick up trip he is ours and we will just be in country while we wait on his passport. If funds and time were available you may (depending on the country) stay in country visiting or even travel back and forth until everything is finalized.

16) What kind of things do you to prepare your family/home for a child coming from another country?

We pray a lot that God will prepare Abel to be a part of our family and that he'll prepare all of us as well to accept and love him as a part of our family. In addition, we have tried to pass on a lot of what we've learned through our trainings to our children.

17) Are there any services offered for emotional stability arriving home with child?

We have completed a wide array of trainings as a part of the adoption process. We have many resources available to us should we need them to include counseling which is offered through our agency, church, or the  military. Right now, we plan to cocoon with our son for a couple of months and work on bonding with Abel.

18) How do you make the child feel at home?

As soon as  Abel gets home we are just going to work on bonding with him. As any child being raised in an orphanage, he is coming from a hard place. We are going to spend a lot of time tending to his needs and working on attaching as a family. In order to  help him with the transition I have been PINing Bulgarian recipes like crazy. Hopefully, I can help him hold onto a part of the culture he is coming from.

19) Has Abel been spoken to/understand English at all?

As far as we know right now, no. We will find out more when we are able to speak to his caretakers on our first trip. We have been told that you can expect a child that has been raised in an orphanage to be half of his chronological age. Abel just turned 3, so if he were to come home now we can expect him to be at about the  level of a 1.5 year old. Abel is verbal, so it should not be difficult for him to learn English at this stage of his life.

20) What is the biggest thing you've learned so far?

I love filling our forms and organizing all this paperwork. Strange, I know. I don't  like waiting on other for others to do their job. It's a child that is waiting; let's please move the process along.

On a more serious note, we are learning to be faithful to do what God has asked us to do and let go of the worries. Being a military family, we never know what's in store for us . Deployments are still looming. We are learning to remember that He who called us knows what our tomorrow has in store. Nothing that the Army surprises us with will surprise the Lord. 

21) What is the one thing you'd like to tell people about adoption?

If you are feeling called to adopt don 't let the cost stop you. I look at how much we've paid so far and I say, where did we get the money from? The Lord provides! There are grants, loans, and fundraisers. Domestic adoptions cost much less. If you don't feel called to adopt, you are still called to care for the fatherless. You can help by praying for orphans, raising awareness and helping others fulfill the call.

22) Tell us what you think seeing Abel for the first time will be like...

We cannot wait to see our little boy in person. The last photos we have of him are from February, so we are eager to see how much he has grown. I don't know what to expect seeing him for the first time. I am just ready to hold him. The wait is hard right now, but I can't imagine what it is going to be like once we've met him and have to come home without him that first trip.